I want to help that cucumber!

So. I'll admit--I've been plagued with a bit of "stuffitis" the last week or two. You know what I'm talking about...closer to "the grass is greener" and "somewhere over the rainbow" as opposed to a main character on Hoarders, but you get my drift. I want a permanently clean house, clothes, more sleep (big one), a different car, free time...things like that. I live & know I have more way than I need or deserve but for some reason, I've been wanting more.

I was grumbling about having to vacuum the second day in a row and after posting a status on Facebook about how frustrating it can be to go from terrific to tornado in 2.6 seconds, I remembered reading someone else's status about a friend whose little girl went to be with Jesus. Dose of Reality #1.

Then came Dose of Reality #2. Colb came into our room with me and was laying on the bed, putting his hands all over me...arms around my arm, in my hair, etc. I asked him what was going on and he said, "I just need you." "Okay, God--I get it. Kids who love me and need me? Way better than a clean house anyday."

Finally, after a few minutes of cuddling with the Colbster, we got up and I walked back into the room where Dub & Colb were watching Veggie Tales--it was the story of the God Samaritan...Larry was beaten up and stuffed in a whole (upside down) and left like that.  All of a sudden, Colby asked, "Mom! Can you lift me into that movie?" A bit confused, I went to see what he was talking about. I thought he was talking about switching DVDs on Dub (drama waiting to happen).

"What do you mean, Colb?"
"I want to help that cucumber!"
"Oh, Colby--Honey, it's a movie. We can't go into the story like that."
"But you can try, Mom! Can you lift me up and we'll see?"

So, I did. I tried. I lifted Colby up and after letting his little head bump the TV screen (No worries, dear--your TV is on the wall very securely :) ), he realized we couldn't, in fact, join the story/movie.

When will I realize that free time, sleep, a more often kept clean house, etc. won't make me happy? When will I remember that little boys who just want to cuddle won't want to do that forever? When will I remember that these little boys are only here for a little while and I have to hold onto this little bit of heaven (them) while I can? That breadcrumbs on the floor, while they drive me crazy, don't matter? That PJ days are ok every once in awhile?

Just some rambling. I guess what I am trying to remember daily is that I am truly and completely blessed. God is way bigger & better than I give Him credit for.

Pain of Change

So, last night was an interesting night. Nothing I hadn't experienced before, but it was interesting.  I've been working out again, managing my nutrition like a hawk (thanks to the ever-watching eyes of Tim) and overall feeling pretty good. Enough about that, though...maybe another post for another time. Anywho, last night we had a great group of WSC soccer players and life group friends here for supper. I had planned all day to be able to indulge in some potluck goodness and did great...until dessert. I had a cookie bar or two, a piece of fruit pizza, another cookie and yet another piece of fruit pizza.

And then I felt terrible.

Not guilt. No, there's nothing wrong with cookies, etc. if eaten in moderation (this probably wasn't great moderation, though, haha).  I know that, I just don't always know when to stop so I have been trying to avoid them altogether. The problem was with my stomach!  Who knew that, after weeks of training myself to live without incredibly sugary, carb-loaded fat, my belly would revolt at the intake of a few cookies? Ugh. The pain. The torture.  The lesson (followed by a big dose of Pepto)--stay away from the cookies!

As Christians, we strive to live without sin. We're not perfect.  Ever. But we can strive for it. And when we give in to a temptation that has previously caused us to sin, even just once!, it can lead to a tumultuous battle to overcome it once again. Our souls hurt, guilt ensues, and then God swoops in. When we ask forgiveness, we still battle those cravings, the temptations. But battling doesn't happen alone--He's there and once again, our body can forget how good "being bad" feels.

Just a little rambling but something I had to relearn last night. :)

Weeds

It's been awhile. Whoops. What did my last post (over 20 months ago) end with? "That's what happens when 'life happens'"? Well, that's what happened, I guess. :)

I've been meaning to start writing again--not all the time, just occasionally. Today, something occurred to me while pulling weeds. Yes, weeds.

Contrary to what my parents probably would remember, I like to pull weeds, especially the day of a good rain. The soil is wet & gives way to the root more easily than when it's parched. If you're lucky and pull just the right way, you can get that root out intact--leaving no part of the weed remaining. Little gives me more satisfaction when pulling weeds than to get an entire weed out--root and all. If it means taking a chunk of soil with it, so be it.

Getting rid of sin is like that, too. If our hearts aren't well-watered, we have a tough time getting to the root of the sin. Hearts closed off to the Word of God and Jesus' gentle, healing hands make eliminating sin impossible. When we spent regular time with the Lord, though, asking His help to rid our lives of sin, He primes our hearts with the Water of life and sin can be more easily battled. I wonder if God enjoys the root of sin being pulled out of our lives intact as much as I do.

I'm guessing so...it makes room for the flowers to grow. :)

Overwhelmed

"Overwhelmed" a week before a baby is sometimes taken negatively, but that's not what this post is about...I've been allowing myself to prepare emotionally, physically, and environmentally for our second baby this week. I had a big test to study for last week and then Thanksgiving--so I kept telling myself I could "think baby" after all of that. :)

Colby & I went shopping to get the last few things I needed before the big day...baby Tylenol, trial size deodorant, a few things like that. I took my wedding ring to be cleaned & inspected while we were shopping, and wouldn't you know...they had to fix something on it. So, Colby & I went to the food court and had a little lunch date. I sat there with my little big boy and was so overcome & overwhelmed with a flood of so many different emotions, I have to try to describe some of them.

Admiration, respect, & love--for my husband. I can't even tell you how much my love for him has changed since we first met...from that cute, puppy love to what it is today. He works SO hard to provide for us and has sacrificed doing some things he REALLY loves so that I can stay home, raise our child(ren) and be closer to our family. His GOD-given talent is so big he can do 1,000 different things in a day and still know where he's headed fifteen minutes later...and do it all with incredible humility, patience, and effort. He doesn't get much time for himself but instead comes home to spend what little time he does have with us before Colby goes to bed--very selfless and I can't tell you how much I respect that. It pulls at my heart strings to hear him say "Daddy loves you!"...coming from a man who never really cared if we had kids or not! :) I could go on and on but...well, you know. This post will be long enough as it is!

Love & pride for Colby--If you're a parent, you understand. If you're not, you'd probably understand if you knew my kid. :) He's such a happy & friendly little boy, polite and (for the most part) very well-behaved. To hear him say "thank you" to the cashiers at the grocery store when they put each bag in the cart, "Hi!" to the Salvation Army bell ringer at the mall...I can't tell you how proud that makes me--knowing he has learned to appreciate people and what they do. He has a heart to learn and loves to sing & dance (although I promise you he got his moves from his daddy!) but will sit & cuddle when we need it, too. As I watch his relationship with Justin grow, I'm reminded of God's relationship with us...we can crawl up in His lap for comfort or give him high fives & pound fists when things are going great. I see SO much of God in my son and...wow. Just wow!

A relationship with our coming baby. I know this sounds a bit ridiculous, but hear me out. When we were expecting Colby, I protected my heart a little bit. After our miscarriage a few years prior, I was always nervous that something could still go wrong. This time and from being a little more experienced at the pregnancy thing, I've been playing with Caleb's arms & legs when they're noticeable and feeling a playful baby through my womb for the last several months. God is so good! It still seems so unreal, though--I remember going to the hospital to be induced with Colby, too...knowing I was coming out with a baby. Yowza!

Family, friends, and the bride of Christ--we've been in a few different places during our marriage. Three different states, three different churches (obviously), and have made friends wherever we are. Doesn't always happen quickly but it does eventually. I thank God for the friendships we've made, what God shows me through each of these individuals, and just being able to call people "friend" and "brother/sister". Our families are supportive of everything we do--whether it's moving (and whether they like it or not, haha), changing careers, having babies (I'm pretty sure we would never have an argument there, lol)...they're always there to support us and would give lots of body parts to make sure we're happy.

Much, much more, but that's about it for today. Getting ready for a new baby is always interesting...in every way! Thank you for your prayers, support, and everything that goes along with it! God bless!

Yeah, so it's been a few months...whoops. I can't guarantee it'll be any better once this baby comes (three days left!), but oh, well. That's what happens when "life happens", I guess!

An Interesting Memory

I was driving to Sioux City this morning and, as I usually do when I make my turn towards Hwy 20, I thought of one of the Morningside families. And somehow, I thought of a trip I made in November 2004...there was a group of us that was to go for a weekend to help a church plant with one of their Sunday services. It was a very loooong trip but promised lots of laughter with the group that was scheduled. Somehow, more than half of the group dropped out due to conflicts. The night before, I was on the phone crying to the leader (who had also needed to back out) telling him why I thought we needed to stay home. I was leaving my church family--on one of the hardest weekends ever...they were to be getting some news that would rock the congregation to the core--and thought I needed to be home, much less at my husband's side. "If you don't go, Megan, nobody's going," he said. "And Brent's already out there, getting things ready." Great, thanks for the pressure!

I very reluctantly, and near sobbing, got into the car with my two companions that day and prayed that God would make the trip fast. He didn't, of course. I spent the entire trip out reading and intermittently praying..."Praying without ceasing" to be exact. It was the hardest trip of my life, to be honest. BUT! God still did something good for my heart. When we reached our destination, we met the fourth and final member of our group who had gone before us to prepare a cabin for our stay. For dinner that night, we drove into one of the nearby towns and the drive is what I remember most. There were two men in the car that day who knew each other probably only by casual acquaintance in the church. In just those few minutes in the car, somehow they had started sharing stories of past mistakes, but more importantly how God had blessed them since. Very, very cool.

Anywho, that was a long story to say what I set out to say. No, I didn't enjoy the trip really. It was ok but I still felt like I should have been at home. But God showed me how He can work to bring people together who love the Lord and share their lives in order to bless each other (and those around them). Yay for the family of God!

Update & Things I Love!

WOW--I've been slackin', huh?! It's been awhile...as in so much "awhile" that there has been some huge news in our lives and time for an update! Not long after I posted my last Easter post, we found out some interesting news. Justin had been telling me for a week or so but I was in denial, I guess...we came back from a short vacay and I took a little test-->we're having another baby! Life changed quickly in those very short seconds it took for the two little lines to come up, but it's been very sweet. So, we'll have two more hands to hold in early December! We're intrigued to see how Colby does with a little baby brother or sister but my gut is telling me all will be ok.

On to more things. I appreciate Colby more and more each day. The little things HE teaches ME (isn't it supposed to be the other way around?) just absolutely baffle me. As he's become more confident in his abilities to do anything, he's struck a bit of an independent streak. But there's something that makes me smile even more. When he's not completely sure he can do it...he looks for me and my hand. He still needs me--and he knows it.

I know God's the same way. He loves to watch me grow. As I learn to trust Him and the strength and gifts He's given me, my wings grow and I'm confident in my ability through Him. But I still need Him. I need the Lord to show me where's that better path, to teach me the new things He has for me to learn...I still need Him and I'll always need him! And I know it. :o)

Easter Memories

The actual calendar has passed a couple of weeks ago, but Easter Sunday brings about an extra bittersweet memory for me. Four years ago on Easter, I woke up pregnant, having known and been excited about our coming first child for a couple of weeks, without a care in the world--excited to direct our Easter cantata at church. I knew there was something wrong about 20 minutes later but tried to convince myself it was just first-time pregnancy jitters. Justin & I prayed before we went to church but, throughout the day, "things" just kept getting worse. Once family (not knowing anything was wrong) left following a great dinner and we took off for the ER, laughing and saying how much I just wanted to see the baby. A few hours later, we were sent home--after being told there was no heartbeat, no egg sac, and thus, no baby.

Our hearts were broken--I cried for hours. You know that awful, gut-wrenching horrible sobbing you do when you're so upset you can't say anything, yell anything? Those were my prayers--I couldn't express what I was feeling to my Lord, so I just sobbed it. I didn't understand (still don't some days) and wanted God to explain it. But He never did.

I wonder if Jesus felt this way when pleading with God to "take this cup". The Bible says Jesus "sweat blood" from the concentration and tenseness of His prayers. I am so thankful that even though He had the choice to go to the cross, He chose to go there for me.

There's more to the story, you see--one of the reasons I remember that painful Easter is because there was hope in our situation. We knew God "works together for those who love Him, according to His purpose". We knew there could be other babies. We knew that Jesus ROSE from the DEAD to give us new life--that's the hope I remember when thinking about my baby in heaven. What incredible promises! Jesus LIVES!