Saturday, December 6, 2008

Being a Mother

I got this in an email yesterday (Thanks, Rach!)--I surely can't describe motherhood much better!

Being a mother

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and
her husband are thinking of 'starting a family.' 'We're taking a survey,'
she says, half-joking. 'Do you think I should have a baby?'

'It will change your life,' I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. 'I
know,' she says, 'no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous
vacations.....'
But that is not what I meant at all.

I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to
know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her
that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a
mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever
be vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without
asking 'What if that had been MY child?' That every plane crash, every
house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving
children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your
child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no
matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to
primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of
'Mom!' will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a
moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many
years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed
by motherhood.

She might arrange for child care but one day she will be going into an
important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell.
She will have to use every ounce of her Discipline to keep her from
running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be
routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather
than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right
there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of
independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that
a child molester may be lurking in that rest-room.
However she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly
as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that
eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel
the same about herself.
That her life, now so important, wi ll be of less value to her once she
has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring,
but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own
dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a Cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become
badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change,
but not in the way she thinks…. I wish she could understand how much more
you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never
hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will
fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very
unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women
throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk
driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally
about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat
of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child
learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the
soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts. My
daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my
eyes. ' You'll never regret it,' I finally say.

Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a
silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women
who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

This blessed gift from God!
Being a Mother.

1 comment:

als said...

This is such a great email. I've thought about it a lot.