Baby Steps

Of course I knew it was going to happen. As he got bigger, I knew Colby would eventually walk. His interest is still very little--he doesn't like to walk with someone holding his hands like a lot of kids do from the minute they find their feet. Noooo, I got the independent child! For the last week or so he's been taking a few steps at a time, all without what seems to be much of a conscious effort on Colby's part. He adds a few steps every now and then...usually loses his balance after awhile, but anyway--the video is of him taking a few steps last night. :o) Hope you enjoy (even if it is sideways!). This walking thing had had me thinking for quite awhile. I am not one of those moms who has been desperate for her kid to become mobile...no way, Jose! Life definitely turned a different corner once Colby started crawling and I am confident the same will happen once he is walking more than crawling. Plus, walking is just another way he isn't my little baby anymore--I'm in no hurry for him to grow up either. But at the same time, I get super excited whenever he takes steps! Even if it's just one here or there.

Since God is our Father, don't you suppose it's the same with Him? We take a new step forward and He's on the edge of his seat, just waiting for us to keep going, there to catch us when we fall, and celebrating when we finally "get it". So glad He does!

Yuck

I've had this thought for many weeks, but just never had a pressing need to share it...until today. Colb needed his pants changed--it hadn't been too long, but I just couldn't handle the smell. It wasn't any worse than normal, but perhaps my smeller's just working a little better today since I got my normal dose of java this morning! Anywho, we went in and I unsnapped his shirt--lo and behold, I must have put his diaper on a little sideways because he had some poo coming out the side. YUCK. So, I made quick attempts at cleaning it up, but as we all know, it doesn't always work the way we want. Never mind the disgusting nature of fecal matter (the smell, various textures, etc.) just cleaning it up was taking too long for my comfort level. Colby, of course, didn't see this diaper change as any different from the rest, so his constant rolling from side to side and desperate attempts at getting away weren't anything new. After what seemed like 10 minutes (and in all reality, might have been 2 or 3), I finally finished up and took his clothes, diaper, and the mat I'd used to keep all grossness from the carpet into the bathroom to clean up. On closer inspection, I'd been lucky enough to get a dab on my shirt, too, of course, so that had to come off. What I realized next, however, was what disturbs me the most--I got used to the smell and didn't even notice it anymore! Can you imagine?! Yet it happens all the time!

I've noticed in the last couple of weeks that even the littlest amount of poo in Colby's diaper smells awful--as if it was coming out the sides. How can that be? It's true in my spiritual life as well...even just the smallest dab of sin in my life is still sin. It still hurts Jesus just the same as a large amount of sin. So why do I get comfortable with that little bit of sin in my life? Why don't I turn my head when I find myself drifting to those uncomfortable thoughts that lead me to sin...even if it's the temptation to tell an untruth. Lies aren't any "better" sins than murder from what I've seen from God's Word--so why am I ok with it?

Heavenly Father, Help me to never, ever be comfortable with the sin in my life.

Touching Moment

Last week, Justin & I went to Ohio (without Colby...that's another blog for another day!) last week for my brother-in-law's Air Force retirement. The day after, Justin & I had breakfast with his parents and grandma in the hotel and while Justin was off somewhere in the distance, I experienced a pretty touching moment. My mother-in-law is a stepmother to my brother-in-law, however, she raised Chris for much of the first years of their marriage. Chris's mother and her husband also attended the retirement celebration and while we were sitting at breakfast that day, the two mothers in Chris's life had an encounter that normally might not have gone too well. Chris's mom asked to sit down next to my mother-in-law. In what had to be an incredibly difficult task, Chris's mom thanked my mother-in-law for raising Chris and doing such a fantastic job. With tears in both women's eyes, the two mothers put aside their own pride and relished in a son they were both proud of. Both of their lives spoke of Chris and the love they have for him...it just took some time (say, thirty-some years?!) in order to realize it.

I can't tell you what this time spoke to my heart, but it certainly did--the entire weekend was pretty touching, but this little bit stands out.

Battle of the Heart

I felt my heart battling yesterday. We are going to Dayton, OH this week for my brother-in-law's Air Force Retirement. So proud...huge family get together, etc. We decided to fly so that Colby didn't have to endure yet another long car ride. Well, what happens a month ago, two weeks ago...yesterday? He's had ear infection. His ears are still a little red and he's got a cold. We have been prepared for the possibility that he might not be able to go with us which means (obviously) that we have to leave him (with my ever-so-eager parents). I felt like taking him with us, on the big possibility and just a slight chance of him being fine, could be selfish of me because I didn't want to leave him for those nights...especially if his ears get worse. Then I felt selfish for thinking that it might just be easier to leave him...not such a headache to worry about what he'd do on the plane, how he'd handle all the new people, etc. What's a mother to do?

I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago regarding worship...things weren't going the way she wanted them to--the piano player wasn't keeping up the way she'd like, they didn't know the songs, something like that. We talked about the lyrics to "The Heart of Worship": "I'm coming back to the heart of worship, because it's all about You, all about You, Jesus. I'm sorry, Lord, for the things I've made it, it's all about You...Jesus."

My heart knows these things but my head doesn't always want to agree--the things in the church that we don't agree with (whether it's a style preference, organizational disagreement, personality clash, whatever...) aren't about us! It doesn't matter what I like or what makes me uncomfortable. Church (the way Christ intended) is about Jesus and doing what's best for His Bride.

My battle yesterday was a battle between doing what's best for me and what's best for Colby--being selfish and being selfless. Yes, it's going to be hard to leave him for those days, but in the end, it's all about Colby. So, pray for us...we'll be missing our Colbster! :o)

Being a Mother

I got this in an email yesterday (Thanks, Rach!)--I surely can't describe motherhood much better!

Being a mother

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and
her husband are thinking of 'starting a family.' 'We're taking a survey,'
she says, half-joking. 'Do you think I should have a baby?'

'It will change your life,' I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. 'I
know,' she says, 'no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous
vacations.....'
But that is not what I meant at all.

I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to
know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her
that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a
mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever
be vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without
asking 'What if that had been MY child?' That every plane crash, every
house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving
children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your
child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no
matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to
primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of
'Mom!' will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a
moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many
years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed
by motherhood.

She might arrange for child care but one day she will be going into an
important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell.
She will have to use every ounce of her Discipline to keep her from
running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be
routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather
than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right
there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of
independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that
a child molester may be lurking in that rest-room.
However she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly
as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that
eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel
the same about herself.
That her life, now so important, wi ll be of less value to her once she
has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring,
but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own
dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a Cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become
badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change,
but not in the way she thinks…. I wish she could understand how much more
you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never
hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will
fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very
unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women
throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk
driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally
about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat
of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child
learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the
soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts. My
daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my
eyes. ' You'll never regret it,' I finally say.

Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a
silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women
who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

This blessed gift from God!
Being a Mother.

Do we match?

Ever had a relationship with someone that was purely over the phone, email, etc., perhaps a business relationship and have never met them in person? In this day and age, there are few people who don't have at least one relationship like this. When I worked in IL, there was a girl from a different branch with whom I spoke on the phone very frequently. Out little boys are about three weeks apart in age, so we have always taken time to compare stories...never mind the business part of our friendship. I moved from Pleasant Hill before ever meeting Jess and quite honestly, I was kind of broken up about it. She was such a kind person and had an incredibly sweet voice, plus we thought alike and just genuinely enjoyed each other's company (if you can enjoy someone's company over the phone?!). Well, I had an opportunity to meet Jess yesterday for the first time. She and Janeen were in Sioux Falls for some intense computer training, so Colby & I made a quick trip. After we met up in their motel, I used the restroom and came back out--Janeen asked me if Jess is who I pictured. I'd only seen a family Christmas picture of her last year, so my reply was, "Well, kind of..." I apparently wasn't anything like she'd imagined. Of course, I forgot to ask her if I am prettier than she was picturing or not, hahaha.

I'm just wondering whether or not my heart matches what comes out of my mouth--to people around me, to my husband, to my son, the people I speak with on the phone...do they know how much I love them, that Jesus is the Lord of my life, that I can't wait for heaven?! "May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be pleasing to You, my God." Psalm 19:14

"Let your conscience be your guide..."

You know that little ditty that Jiminy Cricket sings to Pinocchio? I think Colby's going to have to learn that song, teeheeheeheehee. When Colby gets real quiet, you know he's very intent on whatever it is that he's doing, and quite possibly, he knows he's not supposed to be doing it. If you ask (even out of mere curiosity, knowing he's fine), "Colby, What are 'ya doing?" he jumps and sits back from whatever it is he was doing. Often times, if he's playing with something he's not sure about, he will offer to hand it over. Do you think that's a feeling of guilt? Does God instill in us that feeling right away? I have no clue as I don't remember what it was like when I was 13 months old (yup, folks--that's how old he is, can you believe it?!) but I just would really like to know.

I guess what I'm getting at is this--my conscience, that God-blessed sense that comes from a good mix of my heart and head, is a gift that God gave me in order to tell me when something I'm considering doing might be right or wrong...before I sin. When did I become so comfortable in my own skin that the alarm going off in my head (when God's advising me to not do something) didn't make me jump back and flee right away?

To sleep or not to sleep...THAT is the question!

Every night is basically the same routine--bath time (maybe--depends on how many layers of food are stuck in Colby's nose), pajamas (ALWAYS a struggle), play a bit, family prayer, and to bed with the favorite blanket. What happens next is one of two things: a screaming, ticked off fit (lasts less than 2 minutes) OR quietness. Either one is 95% of the time followed by Colby talking to himself for quite some time--it can even be up to an hour later! Now, I know what you might be thinking...Megan's putting her kid to bed before he's ready to sleep--not true. Poor kid is usually so crabby and exhausted by the time he goes in, he's practically begging for bed! No, it's not that I want a break...he needs to rest. And I guess for Colby it takes awhile to just fall asleep (wonder who he gets that from!). Anywho.

Sooo, an hour after he went to bed last night, we were listening to Colby talk to...well, whatever he was talking to, which got me thinking (anybody noticed 99% of this blog consists of insight I received from a one year old?!) about my prayer life. Does anybody else have troubles keeping that constant communication with God? The times when I have kept God so close to my heart (as in close communication) are the time frames where I make a definite effort to talk to God about absolutely EVERYTHING. The weather, my health, the snow outside, my family, the church, my refrigerator (I don't know--I just made that one up!)--God cares about everything I care about and I forget that way too often.

Busy Busy

Last night, Justin & I were watching Colby play in front of us before he went to bed. He was quite the worker...playing between three different "stations" of toys. He'd put his two current favorite toys (and when I say "current", I mean...for that 5 minutes!) in one box, then pick them up and move them to the next one. Every once in awhile, he'd look up and realize we were watching him--give us his big toothy smile--and then go back to "work". He'd experiment to see what could fit down his little giraffe toy (a toy that you put balls down to make noises), see how it worked, and go from there. He doesn't give up too quickly...just keeps trying.

He likes to play the piano, too. He'll pound on those ivories, sing along, and make music just for Colby. He doesn't care if anyone's listening, just that he can express what he needs to. What sweet, sweet sounds...I could listen to it all day long!

Do you suppose that's how God watches and views us in worship? Does He watch us try to see what new method will bring us closer to Him and make Him smile just for the effort? Does our worship make Him want us to sing all day long? I'm not talking about how it sounds...the "heart music"...I'm afraid I worry too often and forget to just "sing" my heart.

I'm having a hard time thinking about getting ready for Christmas...it's not that I don't like Christmas--I think it's more my lack of ideas and ability to shop for that "oh, so perfect!" gift I want to find everybody. But, time is running out--especially for Justin's side of the family (we're having Christmas in Ohio in less than two weeks!), whoops! So, I've been trying to figure out what I can make in a crunch (time-wise) this year. Up until two years ago, I always made at least part of our Christmas presents. It all started as a way to get through Christmas one year as we had no money--I think I made all of our gifts for like $12 that year. I'm not trying to be cheap this year (really)...it's just "What do you get for your loved ones who have everything they could need?" So, I'm still brainstorming, coming up with a few good ones, I think.

What do I want this year? Nothing big. Health for my family, time with my family and friends...I don't need anything money can buy. I've already been given the Greatest Gift of All.

A First Blog

So, perhaps I'm not as fancy with the words like my husband, but that's ok--we share a similar passion. I've been thinking about blogging for awhile in order to give friends and family an insight into our lives...when you live away from everyone, you need a better way to share things, right? :o) Anywho, check here every once in awhile for family updates and Colby pictures!