Overwhelmed

"Overwhelmed" a week before a baby is sometimes taken negatively, but that's not what this post is about...I've been allowing myself to prepare emotionally, physically, and environmentally for our second baby this week. I had a big test to study for last week and then Thanksgiving--so I kept telling myself I could "think baby" after all of that. :)

Colby & I went shopping to get the last few things I needed before the big day...baby Tylenol, trial size deodorant, a few things like that. I took my wedding ring to be cleaned & inspected while we were shopping, and wouldn't you know...they had to fix something on it. So, Colby & I went to the food court and had a little lunch date. I sat there with my little big boy and was so overcome & overwhelmed with a flood of so many different emotions, I have to try to describe some of them.

Admiration, respect, & love--for my husband. I can't even tell you how much my love for him has changed since we first met...from that cute, puppy love to what it is today. He works SO hard to provide for us and has sacrificed doing some things he REALLY loves so that I can stay home, raise our child(ren) and be closer to our family. His GOD-given talent is so big he can do 1,000 different things in a day and still know where he's headed fifteen minutes later...and do it all with incredible humility, patience, and effort. He doesn't get much time for himself but instead comes home to spend what little time he does have with us before Colby goes to bed--very selfless and I can't tell you how much I respect that. It pulls at my heart strings to hear him say "Daddy loves you!"...coming from a man who never really cared if we had kids or not! :) I could go on and on but...well, you know. This post will be long enough as it is!

Love & pride for Colby--If you're a parent, you understand. If you're not, you'd probably understand if you knew my kid. :) He's such a happy & friendly little boy, polite and (for the most part) very well-behaved. To hear him say "thank you" to the cashiers at the grocery store when they put each bag in the cart, "Hi!" to the Salvation Army bell ringer at the mall...I can't tell you how proud that makes me--knowing he has learned to appreciate people and what they do. He has a heart to learn and loves to sing & dance (although I promise you he got his moves from his daddy!) but will sit & cuddle when we need it, too. As I watch his relationship with Justin grow, I'm reminded of God's relationship with us...we can crawl up in His lap for comfort or give him high fives & pound fists when things are going great. I see SO much of God in my son and...wow. Just wow!

A relationship with our coming baby. I know this sounds a bit ridiculous, but hear me out. When we were expecting Colby, I protected my heart a little bit. After our miscarriage a few years prior, I was always nervous that something could still go wrong. This time and from being a little more experienced at the pregnancy thing, I've been playing with Caleb's arms & legs when they're noticeable and feeling a playful baby through my womb for the last several months. God is so good! It still seems so unreal, though--I remember going to the hospital to be induced with Colby, too...knowing I was coming out with a baby. Yowza!

Family, friends, and the bride of Christ--we've been in a few different places during our marriage. Three different states, three different churches (obviously), and have made friends wherever we are. Doesn't always happen quickly but it does eventually. I thank God for the friendships we've made, what God shows me through each of these individuals, and just being able to call people "friend" and "brother/sister". Our families are supportive of everything we do--whether it's moving (and whether they like it or not, haha), changing careers, having babies (I'm pretty sure we would never have an argument there, lol)...they're always there to support us and would give lots of body parts to make sure we're happy.

Much, much more, but that's about it for today. Getting ready for a new baby is always interesting...in every way! Thank you for your prayers, support, and everything that goes along with it! God bless!

Yeah, so it's been a few months...whoops. I can't guarantee it'll be any better once this baby comes (three days left!), but oh, well. That's what happens when "life happens", I guess!

An Interesting Memory

I was driving to Sioux City this morning and, as I usually do when I make my turn towards Hwy 20, I thought of one of the Morningside families. And somehow, I thought of a trip I made in November 2004...there was a group of us that was to go for a weekend to help a church plant with one of their Sunday services. It was a very loooong trip but promised lots of laughter with the group that was scheduled. Somehow, more than half of the group dropped out due to conflicts. The night before, I was on the phone crying to the leader (who had also needed to back out) telling him why I thought we needed to stay home. I was leaving my church family--on one of the hardest weekends ever...they were to be getting some news that would rock the congregation to the core--and thought I needed to be home, much less at my husband's side. "If you don't go, Megan, nobody's going," he said. "And Brent's already out there, getting things ready." Great, thanks for the pressure!

I very reluctantly, and near sobbing, got into the car with my two companions that day and prayed that God would make the trip fast. He didn't, of course. I spent the entire trip out reading and intermittently praying..."Praying without ceasing" to be exact. It was the hardest trip of my life, to be honest. BUT! God still did something good for my heart. When we reached our destination, we met the fourth and final member of our group who had gone before us to prepare a cabin for our stay. For dinner that night, we drove into one of the nearby towns and the drive is what I remember most. There were two men in the car that day who knew each other probably only by casual acquaintance in the church. In just those few minutes in the car, somehow they had started sharing stories of past mistakes, but more importantly how God had blessed them since. Very, very cool.

Anywho, that was a long story to say what I set out to say. No, I didn't enjoy the trip really. It was ok but I still felt like I should have been at home. But God showed me how He can work to bring people together who love the Lord and share their lives in order to bless each other (and those around them). Yay for the family of God!

Update & Things I Love!

WOW--I've been slackin', huh?! It's been awhile...as in so much "awhile" that there has been some huge news in our lives and time for an update! Not long after I posted my last Easter post, we found out some interesting news. Justin had been telling me for a week or so but I was in denial, I guess...we came back from a short vacay and I took a little test-->we're having another baby! Life changed quickly in those very short seconds it took for the two little lines to come up, but it's been very sweet. So, we'll have two more hands to hold in early December! We're intrigued to see how Colby does with a little baby brother or sister but my gut is telling me all will be ok.

On to more things. I appreciate Colby more and more each day. The little things HE teaches ME (isn't it supposed to be the other way around?) just absolutely baffle me. As he's become more confident in his abilities to do anything, he's struck a bit of an independent streak. But there's something that makes me smile even more. When he's not completely sure he can do it...he looks for me and my hand. He still needs me--and he knows it.

I know God's the same way. He loves to watch me grow. As I learn to trust Him and the strength and gifts He's given me, my wings grow and I'm confident in my ability through Him. But I still need Him. I need the Lord to show me where's that better path, to teach me the new things He has for me to learn...I still need Him and I'll always need him! And I know it. :o)

Easter Memories

The actual calendar has passed a couple of weeks ago, but Easter Sunday brings about an extra bittersweet memory for me. Four years ago on Easter, I woke up pregnant, having known and been excited about our coming first child for a couple of weeks, without a care in the world--excited to direct our Easter cantata at church. I knew there was something wrong about 20 minutes later but tried to convince myself it was just first-time pregnancy jitters. Justin & I prayed before we went to church but, throughout the day, "things" just kept getting worse. Once family (not knowing anything was wrong) left following a great dinner and we took off for the ER, laughing and saying how much I just wanted to see the baby. A few hours later, we were sent home--after being told there was no heartbeat, no egg sac, and thus, no baby.

Our hearts were broken--I cried for hours. You know that awful, gut-wrenching horrible sobbing you do when you're so upset you can't say anything, yell anything? Those were my prayers--I couldn't express what I was feeling to my Lord, so I just sobbed it. I didn't understand (still don't some days) and wanted God to explain it. But He never did.

I wonder if Jesus felt this way when pleading with God to "take this cup". The Bible says Jesus "sweat blood" from the concentration and tenseness of His prayers. I am so thankful that even though He had the choice to go to the cross, He chose to go there for me.

There's more to the story, you see--one of the reasons I remember that painful Easter is because there was hope in our situation. We knew God "works together for those who love Him, according to His purpose". We knew there could be other babies. We knew that Jesus ROSE from the DEAD to give us new life--that's the hope I remember when thinking about my baby in heaven. What incredible promises! Jesus LIVES!

Budgeting, Meals, & Ideas

Sooo, in my "spare" time as a stay at home mom (because according to my hilarious husband, I get lots of time to nap and do nothing all day, hahahahahahahhah!), I scour the internet for $ saving ideas. In our quest to pay off debt, spend less, etc. I don't get to help too much by bringing in extra money. Anywho, one one of the Babycenter community boards I frequent, I found mention of this blog-- www.5dollardinners.com Looks like a great resource in my search for great dinners! Woohoo!!! Check her out!!

Meltdown City

Here's the background--I have been working on an online degree for awhile. I've been trying to push myself to work very hard the next several months to get it done. Fast forward to this past week when Colby's sleeping was kind of irratic. Thursday morning he woke up at 2:45 and wouldn't go back to bed until 5 am. Several hours later (after not being able to get back to sleep after he went back to bed), I was trying to figure out this finance concept dealing with foreign exchange/markets. I had been trying to wrap my mind around it for several days, had emailed the "expert" at school, read all of the given text, etc. Shouldn't have been too hard but for some reason, I was having a hard time with it. I had an absolute meltdown. It was crazy--I was sobbing on the floor, asking for God to make it clear..."If I can't get this simple concept, how am I going to figure out the more complex information to come?! Am I not supposed to be doing this?" I don't know that Justin knew just how upset I was, but he managed to calm me down over Facebook chat. In the meantime, thankfully, I had sent an email (with basically the same verbage as above...) to my advisor and she called a colleague who knew more about the information and had her call me to explain. Finally, I understood, but it wasn't without a lot of heartache and emotions.

I started thinking about Jesus and his 40 days in the desert. Compared to his time without food, my night without sleep is practically nothing, but still. I was ready to give in and give up--can you imagine the strength and determination it took for Christ to stand up to satan's temptations, especially being weak from the type of hunger He went through? Nothing in this world would be lost if I gave up on my degree (except lots of $$), but the world was depending on Jesus to not submit to Satan's requests and taunting...that's a lot of pressure! What would happen if I truly submitted my life to God's will through fasting and prayer (because I know that this looks way different than what I do now)??

Jesus Loves Me!

Colby came down with a mean ear infection/cold this past weekend. Poor kid was up most of Friday night. Nothing would keep him sleeping...not rocking, not walking. Finally, after about three hours on my feet and countless into bed sleeping/waking up, he quieted down and passed out while we were rocking. Fast forward to Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday nights--sleeping a little better but will wake up in the night. Usually he just needs a quick drink of water and will lay his head down on my shoulder ready for sleep again. It might take a few minutes, but it's not usually too much of a battle. Anywho, in order for him to get into that mode of cuddle/sleep time, I sang to him. Now, I know this isn't an incredibly creative method--Lord knows I sang to my siblings when trying to get them to calm down, but Colb just hasn't really ever responded to it at bedtime. (If we are riding in the car and he is screaming, sometimes I can sing at the top of my lungs and he'll settle down and maybe fall asleep--but I really think that's more out of being distracted than soothe!) So, guess what I sang? "Jesus Loves Me." Yup! As soon as I started with "Jesus Loves Me...", the kid popped his thumb in his mouth and cuddled right up. Of course, I couldn't sing anything else--he'd perk right up and want to know where Dad was, or look around for his toys...as long as I was singing "Jesus Loves Me", we were good. And it worked when I was changing his diaper yesterday, too! He was complaining, howling, etc. and I started that first line--in went the thumb. YAY! I was super excited that those words were comforting my little one. GOOD STUFF.

Well, last night it was a bit more of a battle. It's not so much that he's sick anymore, but I think more of a habit of getting up. So, I sang. And sang. And sang. Not that I mind singing to my baby (or in general), but the same song OVER AND OVER AND OVER! To keep my mind occupied, I would mentally type out the words as if I were writing out the words while I sang. (I know, I'm a nerd.) About the 213th time of singing it through, I noticed something--"Yes, Jesus Loves Me" typed with a "." after it is good. Fantastic! Jesus loves me, right? But look..."Yes, Jesus Loves Me!" The exclamation point makes it so much more exciting!

I guess maybe my 4 am epiphany isn't super deep by any means and more than likely won't rock anyone's world, but it was an encouragement to me early this morning, especially once Colby finally crashed in my arms (and is still sleeping at 10 AM! But now he'll wake up--because everytime I post that, he wakes up! haha). I want, no, I NEED to be putting an exclamation point on the things Christ has done for me! Jesus Loves Me. Jesus Loves Me! JESUS LOVES ME!!

Scum

I've scrubbed and scrubbed, run vinegar through, plain water, everything...and when I made a new pot of coffee yesterday, there was still what looked like an oil slick on the top of my coffee. I'm positive I know what the problem is (and I'll admit, I knew it before I cleaned the pot...I just thought I'd better clean it, too!)...impure water. I know, I know. We had this problem at work, too--my coworker and I (before we moved to Wayne) were the only two people at the bank who consistently drank coffee. He always made at least the first pot and depending on who took the last bit made the next (as it should be, of course!). Anywho, we normally got bottled water to use but on those days in between Bob's Red Fox runs (or better said, "On those days when we were too lazy to run next door to the store"), we would use the water from the tap. When you heat it up, though, it gets a weird film to it that leaves a yucky line all over your coffee cup...

It's like that with my heart, too. On the days when I'm too lazy to go to the Maker of my heart, instead I fill up with the things that come more easily in this world...only to see the marks of the devil left behind in my attitude, prayer life, etc. Not good. I know my life is way better when I get the pure stuff--why don't I go there first?! *Sigh* Why can't I get it right?